Fearless!

I used to run away from my fears. I am happy to be easy on myself. But I realize the only way to grow as a person is to conquer my fears.

In 2018 or even starting now, I have decided not to let my fears hold me back. Whatever I am fearful about, I want to face it and overcome it to my best ability. I want to put myself out there. It doesn't matter if I fail or embarrass myself. I just want to give myself a chance and opportunity to wrestle with my fear.

As the saying goes: Many years down the road, you will not regret the things you had done wrong. But you will regret not doing the things that you could have done.

I can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before. I had a nightmare and I was quite affected by it. 

The dream took place in a classroom where everyone was seated down. I was near to the side of the door. The teacher was giving out our artwork. The artwork was graded and she gave them out one by one from the highest to the lowest marks. Almost everyone got it back, except me and a few people. When it came to my turn, she said that I got a D-. She added that my work wasn't exactly that bad. But just that, as compared to my classmates, my work is not as good. 

When that scene happened, I felt a really familiar feeling. It's a bit of shame, unfairness and deep sadness. I had never felt that for a looonnnnngggg time. Maybe it was the same feeling I felt when I got my O level results, my JC posting or when I realise I couldn't do my Honors degree after taking one special semester to pull up my grades. 

I used to let my worth be determined by my grades and academic achievement. Even now, perhaps sometimes unknowingly, I allow my worth to be determined by my work. 

But that is terrible. I'm not an "intelligent" student. I know it because many times I studied really hard and I don't see the results. I got upset with myself and felt like giving up so many times. I told myself it must be my studying methods that were wrong. But how do I correct my studying methods? I felt really helpless, alone and no one whom I can turn to for help. I'm willing to work hard but who can help me? So, I just work hard "blindly" and hope for the best.

That's why I feel so much for students who don't do well. I tell them, "Don't worry, Ms Phoebe is always here for you. We will work it out together." The more I think about it, the more I feel that being a teacher is about journeying together with the students. Students need more than instructions given to them. They need mentors and the assurance that there will always be someone there for them. Even if they take the bet to study hard for once, they want to know that their effort are not wasted. 

I am very grateful for this privilege. I truly believe the ability to believe in people and to help people is a gift. So is loving someone. I guess that's because you can never do those things if you had not experience them continuously. So, open your heart to be loved and allow yourself to experience faith.

But still, it's really strange to have that dream. Hmmmm....

Preparing students for the future

Decide to spend some time checking out the Educational Conferences in Finland next year. I think one of the main question that most educators will ask is: How am I preparing my students for the future? The future workforce will not be the same as today's. The challenges our students face will be different. There will be no lack of knowledge and content. That can be easily settled by the wealth of information available on the internet. So what do we teach?

Creativity and Critical Thinking.

We need to empower our students with the skills to be creative. We need to provide training to help them make better choices.

And how can I, as a math tutor, help my students? While math is seen as a subject with very narrow teaching methods and stringent marking schemes, I believe there is still a way to introduce Math as a creative subject.

I recalled a scene that happened in lesson. One of my very bright and promising student handed in his homework and he used a really long method(2 pages long) to solve a seemingly short question. I was very quick to tell him that he used a wrong method, something that brought him on a merry-go-round of working steps and there is a shorter way to do it. I immediately showed him how to do the "right" way and was quick to move on. Despite the lengthy answer, I recognise that he was very focused on what he wanted to get. Most people, if put in that situation, would have given up on the question. But he persisted and eventually got the answer. I felt I should have pointed that out and praised him for that aspect. Then, give him some time to think about his answer and come out with alternative solutions. After all, I feel that he is up to that task.

There was another student. He is a new student and he is really weak in math. He outrightly told me that he hated math. The truth is that, I love these kind of students because I am ready to change his reality. Though he whined and complained, he actually agreed to come for additional class tml to brush up on his algebra. What did I do? I told him that no matter what, he has to do math for the next 3 years until his O levels. To that, he responded by saying that everyone told him that. Hahaha! But most importantly, I told him this: I will never give up on him even if he gives up on math. I am a very persistent people and I will always be here for him to help him.

When he knows I am not letting him go, he kind of buck up a bit. Sorry, kids. As long as God brings  you into my life, I am not going to leave your life the same. You'll be better. You will realise you are more capable that you think you are.

So back to that boy, I'm still thinking how I can make math more relevant and interesting to him. He is actually a national water polo player. Hmmm, maybe I should learn more about the game and speak his lingo more. If anyone of you are there are water polo pros, please let me know how I can relate math to water polo!

It is not what we deserve. It is about what we believe. ~Wonder Woman

Made a decision this week that put me in quite a disadvantage position. Somehow, I can't bear to do anything that doesn't align with what I believe. I'm thankful for wonderful teachers who share the same beliefs. They remind me that teaching is more than just a lucrative business but it's about giving life and making a difference.

At the end of the day, we will just look to God for His blessings and provisions. We are just His stewards. :)

I want to eradicate poverty.

I guess when people realize what they have right now, is not because of anything they have done to deserve it, they will start to look outwardly. They will realize the great responsibility that their privileges bring.

We don't get a choice to choose where and when we are born in. But why are we so blessed to be born in Singapore and most importantly, during this period of time?

If one says that we deserve all that we are enjoying now because we worked hard for it, then I question why people who worked equally hard, if not harder, not being able to enjoy our kind of luxuries in their 3rd world countries?

Does God love the people from this part of my world more than those in war-torn countries?

As I expose myself to issues pertaining to social injustice, human slavery and poverty, it just convinces me more that life is unfair, so unfair. I used to be upset with God abt this. I will often ask Him why is this world like that? But most of the time, the busyness of life just quietly nudge me to go with the flow with what all other Singaporeans are doing- work and enjoy life.

I really don't think I can turn a blind eye to this anymore. To whom more is given, more is expected. Do we think God has blessed us with so much just for us to enjoy all that ourselves? Or can it be that we are responsible to help those who can't help themselves? We are the solution to the broken-down world. We are the answer to the prayers of many. We are the light of this world.

As I prepare myself for 2018, I want to make a commitment to myself to move out of my comfort zone and to be what I have mentioned. It is so strange that while I was on the train to work this afternoon, I suddenly felt so strongly about this. Then, I saw a vision of a reservoir. This reservoir is filled with heaven's rain and it was very full. There were many outlets coming out from that reservoir that flowed into many people's lives, giving them sustenance. When I saw that, I told God that I want to be that reservoir. I'm not sure what this will lead to. But I am open. I am excited about what God has in store for me. I want to say YES more to opportunities that will allow the reservoir to fill up people's lives. God ALWAYS do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine.

If you ask me now, do I have an idea of what 2018 will look like? I will tell you no. I've got no big plans to make more money. No big plans to travel except to bring my parents on their holiday. No big plans for whatsoever. And, isn't that better? That means I'm always ready for God's plan then!

The worst enemy of love is not hatred, but apathy. May I never grow to be indifferent to the atrocities happening in this world.

What do I want for Christmas and Birthday?

Life Journey

The Famous Tram 26 in Lisboa


As we journey through LIFE, what do we live for?

My purpose in life doesn't come from the things I do. Instead, my purpose in life comes from the people in my lives. The things that I do will always be people-centric.

If you can't see why you are alive from the things you do, maybe you can try looking that in the people in your life.

Inspiration

I was talking to a new student today and trying to find out what he wants to do next time. I wanted to see how I can make math more relatable to him.

And then, R interrupted me and said "I want to be a tuition teacher next time."
"Ok... " I thought," maybe he will say can make a lot of money." But then he continued saying "Coz I want to be like you. You inspire me." And then he mumbled to himself " I wonder what it is like if I am a teacher and I get a student like myself." HAHAHAHA!

The smart me took the opportunity to tell him, "You want to be teacher ah? Ok, good. You have to do very well in math. And so you need to study and stop talking now." :)

My baluku is making me very sleepy and disoriented now. I feel it is bringing me to a downward spiral.

Came back and swamped by so many things. Crazy!

Well, I don't necessarily love my holidays more than my work days. But it's just a sudden surge of work that brings me down. Was down with fever and flu ystd but thankfully I got better after a rest without medication. I highly suspect that's caused by stress.

Nevertheless, in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, I was reminded of sth that Pst mentioned. Despite what we are going through today, we are blessed. Whatever we have experienced for the past 1 month, some people in some parts of the world today will never get to experience in their entire lifetime.

I don't mean my travel experiences. I mean the freedom to be who I am and the human rights that I exercise. Imagine being killed because someone doesn't like you or your race or religion.

The better-than-basic sanitation. Imagine bathing, drinking and washing clothes from the muddy water in the well.

The education that I received. Imagine not being able to communicate, reason things critically.

There are a lot of things to be grateful about. No matter what stress there are, it will all come to pass. Really pray that what I am stressing about today can help people who can't help themselves in the future.

Ungratefulness hurts so much.
The people who forget the good done to them and they turn around to talk bad about you. Sometimes we find reasons to make sense of this hurt. We doubt ourselves and think that, perhaps, we have really done wrong and it's our fault. Then we find excuses for them that perhaps they have been hurt and hurting people hurts.

I want to be treated the way I deserve. I want to fight for what is right. I want to make that person realize the folly behind all those stupid actions. But even if I do all that, is it going to turn the situation around? People often see what they want to see.

Now, I'm glad that this person is no longer part of my life. Instead of focusing my energy on getting upset and disappointed, I want to expand my energy on those people who need me.

Letting go means not being affected by them anymore. It means that despite what has happened, I won't change my life to not help others because I am afraid ungratefulness will happen again. It means that I wish God's best for them. It means that I am happy even without any closure.

Most importantly, letting go means I am free. :)

Hello December

1 month.

10 flights.

237km.

360 stories.

4 countries.

11 cities.

Most importantly, a changed ME.

Today as I took the train, I observed my surrounding more than usual. I start to appreciate the beauty around me. It used to be whenever I come back from overseas trips, I will "complain" about my country and feel so sad to be where I am.

In Europe, people see Singapore as a place where people worked really hard. It is a small and clean country with nothing impressive to offer to tourists.

In Indonesia, people put Singapore on the pedestal. Highly regarded and educated nation. Singaporeans are a privileged lot.

Same Singapore.

It really depends which side of the world you are in. People's evaluations and judgements are always based on their realities and experiences.