Now is a time when I just want to love and care for myself more. I just want to rest and be happy. I just want to heal and be loved by those who want to love me.

Thank you Uncle C for checking on me this afternoon. You remembered what I shared with you a few weeks back. You showed me concern and asked me if I'm ok by using those sign languages that only both of us can understand. Haha! Despite your busyness, you came over to me and chatted with me. It's people like you, that makes me feel the world a little warmer, happier and more hopeful. Praying for you to have a fruitful trip in Xi'An. Thank you for showing kindness and love.

Someone said: We can't add days to our life but we can certainly add life to our days. :)

How am I living my life more meaningfully? It's true that we are a sum of our experiences and what we go through in life especially the bad stuff, makes us reflect and they change us. It can go both ways... be it change for the good or the bad.

My project #connection has been a little slow. My state and my intentions make a lot of difference. When I am so sucked into my problems and troubles, I simply don't have time for anyone else. Well, managing a pity party inside my mind is A LOT OF EFFORT!!! So, I realise that SMILING helps a lot to make the first connection. EYE CONTACT as well. OBSERVATION coupled by a positive COMMENT is the way to go.

So today, I connected myself with my grab driver who offers riders FREE WATER and TISSUE PACKS. We chatted a lot about health(exercise and eat healthy is important), travel(when you drive to M'sia, always park your car where it is crowded with human traffic coz he got robbed and his car window smashed before) and eventually I asked him why he is so nice! Like, what makes him want to do all the nice stuff when he can be like other drivers!

He simply told me that there was a time when he was under the hot sun and he was so thirsty when he got onto the cab. He wished that he had water but there was none. And simply because of that, he chose be a blessing so that people will not go through what he had gone through.


See, we are a sum of our experiences right! If he had not experienced that thirst, he would not have done what he is doing. It's really powerful when we connect our experiences and see through the lens of wanting to be a blessing and to be kind. God will always show us what to do!

So next time, when we want to be a blessing, look no further, ask no one. Look within yourself and ask yourself: What is one experience that I don't like? Is there any way that I can give people a different experience?

Life is probably just as simple as that. So is kindness and love.

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Fears

Sometimes when you are unsure of what you hope for, maybe you can try asking yourself what do you fear most in your life?

For me, my greatest fear is living a purposeless life. I don't have to live an insignificant life just for myself. I want to be able to use what God has blessed me with and make a difference in this world.

I vaguely remember asking myself this question sometime back. Ok, many years back. And my answer to the question is still the same.

Many people look at me and think I am successful and they are impressed by what I'm doing. But from the bottom of my heart, I truly believe what I have today is not achieved by my own strength. God placed people in my life. God allowed events to happen. That's why I never think I own my so-called success. I'm simply a steward of what God is doing in my life. That's why I can afford to be generous, kind and helpful. God has shown Himself to be more than able to provide and make things happen for me. I'll just need to do my part and help the people who come to me.

But I feel more needs to be done. Praying for God to guide and lead me to do greater things. With great blessings comes great responsibility. :)

Change

Be the change you want to see.

People often say when things happen, it's easier to point fingers, blame others and find fault in them? Strangely, I find it easier to reflect and change myself, rather than getting people to change.

I realise that we owe it to ourselves to become a better version of ourselves. We have to own the change and the entire process of it. The responsibility lies on us. There's no blame. There's no shame. We are all learning and growing.

May we, in all challenges, look inwardly first before casting the first stone. :)

Emotions

I used to be really scared of them. Mainly coz it's something that I can't control. I am guilty of avoiding them so that I can continue to "function" as normal. You know, you ignore stuff and pretend they don't exist so to make you think that everything is fine. When it's not! Haha!

But I realise emotions are neither right or wrong. They are neither good or bad as well. It is just the way things are. Emotions reveal what is inside of us. Maybe the insecurities, the fears and those negative stuff that we never want people to know.

Suppressing my emotions has proven to be disastrous. Denying it makes things worse. The best way out? Acknowledge them. Accept them. Ask them(Why do I feel this way?).

Slowly, I recognize that my emotions are not that scary afterall! They are just who I am. Embracing how I feel is the first step to freedom and happiness.

Actually, I thought I'm quite a reflective person. Perhaps it has been a lot of brain work but not heart work. 😬

My Secret Garden

I'm not sure when and how it got started. It just happened. That place that I run to when I am down. That spot that calms my soul. That experience of God's assurance of my future and hope. Unknowingly, I found my own Secret Garden.

There's always this stone that I'll sit on in Nature's Playground. Today, there was a special bloom above me. While I was thinking about life, I got nudged by a falling flower petal. Perhaps it's telling me not to overthink about my life but just enjoy the journey.

Learning to surrender and accept whatever God brings has never been more peaceful than that moment. Grateful.

Connections in volunteering

Just as I was searching for places to volunteer, lo and behold, I met strangers who are the pros in this field.

Was having lunch and since it was crowded, I shared a table with some strangers who are friends. I'm not sure how it got started but we chatted. Found out that they are actually volunteering with RSVP, a volunteer group for elderly. They were sharing some of the events that they do. Things like volunteering at the Science center, bringing kids to the zoo, getting an experience at ifly and organizing the Happy Exercise for the old folks.

The one that stood out was the happy exercise. It's actually just a series of simple moves that involve the elderly to count, so as to make them exercise their brain power. To us, it can be simple stuff but to the old folks, it really help to prevent dementia and encourage active living. That's the power of community!

There's a period of time that I wonder why people volunteer... they got so much time meh? If got time, why don't just rest or make more money? But lately I realise that the purpose of everything that we do, is really to reach out to people and make a difference in people's lives. That should actually be why we work... when our gifts and talents coincide with the needs of the world and the problems we want to solve.

When we start looking inward and live just for ourselves, life becomes meaningless. I pray that God will never make me comfortable and always remind me to look out and reach out.

Connections

We need connectedness more than ever before. I'm slowly beginning to realise the power of many and the magic of a community. It's definitely a journey of discovery through the people and circumstances that God has brought me through. 

When there is connections, you discover a lot more than you can imagine. With discovery, you learn and grow a lot more. 

I guess connection starts with curiosity and is often accompanied by a certain degree of vulnerability. I'm making more effort to look into strangers' eyes, smile at them, strike conversations with them and just getting interested to listen to their stories. I don't know. I feel everyone has a story to tell and we won't have all the time in this world to experience everything. So why not get inspired by others and learn from them?

Today I spoke to the lady boss of an eatery in TPY that I always visit. For the first time, I chatted with her and realised she built up her business for over 20 years. Her husband passed away a number of years back and she had to bring up her 3 sons single-handedly. Amazing woman of strength. She shared with me about her struggles on hiring, which I can relate to TOTALLY! Haha! Through the conversation, I seek to encourage her and affirm her. It was a magical moment of connection and support for each other. I left the place, feeling happy. Maybe I felt supported as well to know that I'm never alone in my journey of struggles and stress. There are people who have gone before me and they made it!

I think I want to make this a mini project for my life for this period. The Connection Project. I will seek to connect with different strangers. I want to expand my life. There are just so many experiences that I have yet to learn about. I pray that through this mini project, God will speak to me and give me strength through the difficulties that I'm facing now.