Walking through the valley

People often associate difficult times with the valley. Me too. However, while talking about the topic of "valley" with pastors a few days ago, they reminded me that valley is actually a very beautiful place. That's the place where the stream flows and that is where water gives life.

Now, I understand why. This period has been one of the more stressful period for me. Exams stress and additional work load are the norm. What makes it challenging now is the "spanner" that was thrown at me, unexpectedly. The structural side of me doesn't strive well in uncertainty. Plus, I don't like to manage stupidity and nonsense. Like totally hate it.

Yet while I'm at this low point, God showed me a beautiful side to this world and people. I'm so grateful for people who would inconvenient themselves to help me out. Some are close friends and some are strangers. I think God knows my capacity to handle this and thus brought Angels to help me. :) They assured me that God will always take care of me. There's nothing I need to be afraid of.

Interestingly, during work today, I suddenly hummed this song "Picture of your love" to myself. We haven't sang it for a long long time! There's no reason I would think abt that song, other than God putting it in me.

The lyrics talks about God's faithfulness. He never change and He is always good. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He has already gone ahead. Though ten thousands may fall to my right and left, under the shadow of the most High, I find rest.

In the midst of my chaos, God walked close to me. He makes it clear to me that He is with me. So how can I not trust that He always has the best plans for me in His perfect timing? When I reason that out, peace comes naturally.

Time to sleep! :) Goodnight, world.

Heaven on Earth

So after a class of crazy vinyasa, I lie down on the mat for my final Savasana. I love my savasana everytime coz it's the most relaxing pose of any class and I love it when blood flows to my brain after an adrenaline-pumping workout. I feel it has a way of "clearing my mind".

So while enjoying my moment of peace, three words came to my mind.
"Heaven on Earth". And interestingly, I asked myself "How do I experience that?" And before I knew it, it became an internal dialogue with Jesus.

God reminded me of a scripture In the Book of James and it talks about what true religion is. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from this world. And the answer was revealed to me in that instance. To experience heaven on earth is to be found close to the underprivileged and needy people in the society.

But wait, are you serious, God? I never really felt happy or extreme joy when I'm with them because I'm often reminded of the unfairness and cruelty of life. I'm reminded of the dark side of humanity and selfishness of man. Frankly speaking, though I enjoy doing volunteer work, I sometimes find myself feeling more discouraged about life after meeting them. How is that possible, God?

Thankfully God is really patient with me.

"It is possible because that is where My power and love will shine the greatest and brightest. That is where people will need Me the most and My miracles will be the most glorious. Most people in your world doesn't need Me. Everyone is self-sufficient. When a land is flooded with waters of self-made achievements, the rain of the Holy Spirit is redundant and not desired."

That was like a God-moment for me. While I have been trying to do good, there's always an inner desire to see more of God's power. What I had been doing are good things but they seem to lack the God element or factor. I had been focusing on how poor thing people are, but instead, I should start seeing them from Heaven's perspective- who God sees them. Seeing how much God loves them is one thing, but at the same time, I need to see their potential, the way God created them.

I think for next year, I would like to give of myself more to be with the needy and underprivileged people. I want to spend more time with them so that I can bring heaven to them and more importantly to myself. The amazing thing is that I knew exactly where to start and who are the group of people I want to reach out to. :)

I must say this yoga class is the most life-changing one. I've intended for November to be a month of direction-setting for next year. But God is so on-the-ball. I'm definitely looking forward to what 2018 can offer. :)

Lead me besides still waters

The sound of waters, the song of birds and the music of nature make me forget the hundred and one things on my mind.

I'm glad I've learnt to let go a lot more now. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, it will be difficult to even hold on.

I'm glad I've learnt to be more forgiving of my own mistakes and also other's mistakes. To accept the imperfections of this world and embrace the fact that we are all on a journey. To grow together and celebrate the fact that we are all getting better.

I'm glad I have a shepherd who leads me. His gentleness makes me great. He inspires me to be like Him. If I can ever love much, it will purely be because He loves me so much. :)

#lessonslearntfromwork

What do I fear losing the most?

This thought came to me suddenly today.

I thought hard abt it and find it so difficult to list down that 1 thing. So I shall be generous to myself and let myself have 3 choices instead.

1. Jesus
2. Relationships with my family and close friends
3. My purpose in life

Yes, these are the 3 things that are always so close to my heart. If I ever lose them, I know something in me would die.

How about you?

Bubble Wraps Reflections

After a gd month of hard work, things are slowing down. Finally. Yays! And I'm kinda taking things a bit too easy that I'm feeling lazy. So I decided that I should pop some bubble wraps and start working hard again. I didn't know my love for bubble wraps is so upz! Best thing happened to me today: work hard, pop bubbles, work hard again. This work-style is perfect for me!

If everyone has a default mode that they fall back on, I think mine is the CHILLAX MODE. Since young, I don't like to strive hard and I'm someone easily contented. I like to take things slow and enjoy the moment. Stress doesn't work well in me. It just makes me sick, physically sick, really. Accomplishing meaningful things is more important to me than accomplishing great and powerful things. It's not that I don't work hard for things I want, but just that if I don't win the race, I'm thankful that I actually completed it. Haha! And I really believe that whatever happens to me, that is God's best plan for me. This is how I can so easily let go and move on in a lot of things. Perhaps my upbringing plays a big part in who I am today.

My parents don't really expect much from me and they just let me do wherever I want. Seriously, everything I succeed in , it's a bonus to them. When I was younger, I felt that my parents are never proud of me because they don't expect anything from me. Looking back, I think, perhaps they do, but they love me too much to impose what they want on me.

I'm not sure if my upbringing is a blessing or a curse to me. I would love to see it as a blessing... to be someone who has no big aspirations but just want to do her best to make this world a better place. No stress and no pressure. Be happy and make this world a happy place.

But lately, I felt a shift in my attitude towards life. You see, I do zone out quite a bit when I'm alone, thinking about life and daydreaming. Sounds a lot like my god-Dottie, one of them! Anyway, now, I limit myself to 5 mins of zone out time and after that, I force myself to do something productive. It can be reading a book, thinking about how to improve on certain aspects at work or do some planning of my life. Maybe I start to realize that there's so much I can do for other people. I am blessed with all that I have now and there must be a reason. With greater blessings come greater responsibilities... and that is the responsibility of being a good steward. I don't think I am motivated by how good I am, because I don't find myself being really outstanding as a person. But I know I am definitely motivated by how great the needs of others are.

Worry not for your own needs. When there is destiny, there will always be provision.

So, I am changing. Trying to live each day the best I know how. Trying to live each day as if it's the last day on earth for me. It may sound very sad to some people. But I feel when you live like that, you align yourself with what heaven prioritizes.

My first day off after 1.5 months! So happy to spend it with this one! ❤️

I'm so glad both of us are not very "high maintenance" friends. That means we are not really needy and we are fine to be left on our own. However, when any one of us SOS each other, the other party will respond without hesitation.

I enjoy simple friendships. I guess especially when I hear horrible stories about how people can be toxic and poison you, I've learnt to appreciate who I've got. People usually only appreciate what they have after they lose it.

Let's not be people like that. Let's always give thanks for all the goodness in our lives. What can you be thankful for today?

For me, I'm thankful for this one ☝🏻. 😘

Inspire Self-Education!

This is my goal for my kids. Everyone of us has the means to educate ourselves.

HOMELESS

I'm still thinking about that article about homeless people in Singapore.

It was an interview with a 35 year old homeless man, giving readers an insight of how he ended up where he is now. He came from a broken family, and ended up in the prison due to a mistake. Because of his criminal records, his dad disowned him. His low education level disallow him from getting any good job. Though he is working, it is still too expensive for him to rent a place to stay.

After reading the article, I can't imagine my parents telling me to get out of their sight and don't even care about me. I can't imagine getting bullied and there's no one to turn to. I can't imagine working so hard, doing my best and yet there isn't enough to get by. I can't imagine using my whole life to pay for a mistake that I had made.

I don't know why but this story stayed with me the whole day. I feel so much for him. Not just for him but people like him. Why is he not given a second chance in life? Why does hard work doesn't translate to comfortable living? I often struggle with these questions that I don't have answers to. A part of me is upset with God for being so unfair. But I will always be reminded of something that I read many years back. God is not unfair. He loves everyone including the people I feel for. The way He reaches out to the poor, the needy and the destitute is through people who has been so touched by God and wants to make a difference.

I'm not sure if helping the homeless will eventually be the mission of my life. But in the meantime, I'll continue to love and help the people that God has placed in my life. If anger, rejection and brokenness is the cause of all evil, then I will let my joy, my love and God's presence to permeate the atmosphere wherever I go, depositing goodness into people's lives.

Yes, it's a privilege to be a blessing and a giver, because only the blessed one can bless others and only the one who has received much can give much.

The joy of teaching :)

Late dinners or even no dinners have been a norm to me now. Coffee is now part of the survival kit. You told yourself to do one thing and then the very next seconds, you are on the next task. That's when you stopped, stoned and tried hard to remember what you wanted to do just a seconds ago. Everyday is just pushing yourself to walk another mile. Welcome to my life. Corrections. Pre-Exam Life.

It gets crazily busy for me everytime in April and Oct. Before that period comes, I think it's nice to give additional help to them to give them the extra push especially for students who just join my class. During that whole period, I think I'm crazy and shld stop doing extra lessons next year. After that period, I'm glad I do what I can when I see my kids doing well.

Education is about learning new knowledge and applying them. But to me, I see how good education can build up a child's self esteem and confidence.

R had been doing really badly for his math. Never once did he pass in any of his Sec 1 and 2 test/exams. He went for a screening test at a very prestigious tuition center. After doing that test, the tutor commented that his math is terrible and of coz, he never returned. By some change of events, he ended up doing some lessons with me. Initially he was a hard nut to crack. I remember how I had to get him on task. He kept saying algebra is hard and needed constant encouragement. The last exams when I first met him, he scored 15% out of 100%. There are some students who are a gift, there are some from hell. He is the latter one.

Eventually, after a few weeks, he wasn't tested on algebra anymore! I remembered it was the topic on angles. That seemed like a new beginning, giving him a new lease of life. I told him that if he wants to do well in math, this is the start. Forget about the algebra and all traumatic experiences that came with it. Just focus on this new topic.

Second chances are so important. R started to be more positive and became more serious with his work. I made sure he did practice questions and even set up a whatsapp group with his mum to monitor his homework. He had to take photo of the homework and send it to the grp chat so that everyone can remember that homework is given. No more excuses for missing question papers. Thank God for technology! I started preparing him all that I could on a major test on that topic. There was also a lot of positive anchors and reframing involved all the time. Eventually he scored 70% for that test.

That test changed his reality. Totally. He became so motivated. Now he takes the initiative to text me when he had problems. He hands in his homework without needing reminders. He comes for lessons knowing what he wants me to help him in. Remember I mentioned that he hates algebra? Because of his past successes and positive experience with math, it gave him the strength to face his most dreaded topic. I must say this boy is progressing really well and o know he will excel.

When we help students to achieve their impossible, it changes their reality. They start to believe in themselves. They start to be convinced that effort and hard work matter. Yes, they will still fail. But they are now more resilient. When you love and care for them, that gives them an added motivation to do well too.

I was just complaining that I'm a little hungry and my lesson is 3pm-9pm today. R asked me how do I settle my dinner then? I told him that I will either have a very late dinner or just skip it. And after lesson, he actually went to help me get some food. Trust me, he is not the very sweet boy who will do such things for people. Most of the time, he is quite an inward-looking chap. But that is so sweet of him.

This is why I love what I do. I see the kind of transformation in a child and I'm grateful for the privilege to be a part of their journey. In return, the kids love you back too.

#thisisabeautifulworld